Auld Lang Syne

One month exactly today.

I do not know whether or not I am learning new things about myself, or if I am just more aware of what has been true before. Some aspects are negative, some positive. Like most changes, this has all been a test of patience, humility, and courage, and it continues to be. I suppose I am brave, in small ways. I guess I should give myself a lot more credit. That is something very tough for me to do though and I argue with myself--about everything. I do not know if I have accomplished much so far. I try to focus on the present rather than the grand scheme of things, past or future. If I try to estimate the uncertain, 2010 will have lost all promise and isn't that the whole point of "New" in "New Year's"? The promise of what may come? The promises we make to ourselves? I never make resolutions, they are too easy to break and then we become upset with ourselves as if we have failed. I think the best anyone can do is make a vow to live to the best of our ability, with fortitude and conscientiousness.

My hope as always, is to be happy (a year from now, five or ten years from now), happy in the life I have chosen and with what has been given to me by the grace of God.

Have a blessed new year.

Comfort & Joy

I was eating a gorgeous orange the other day and reflecting on Christmas. If ever I am patient enough to go through the bother of peeling them, it is this time of year. The smell and taste of all fresh fruit has always resonated with the season for me, but especially citrus fruit. It's been a tradition in my family since I can recall, to place a ripe orange in the bottom of our stockings. The heat from the fireplace warmed it just slightly, spreading a subtle but lingering fragrance, combined with the perfume of pine and chimney smoke. It was one of my most favorite items to count on. I would cup it in my hands and hold it up to my nose for a few precious moments. Also, we used to read this children's book about a family of bears that was "scratch 'n sniff". Each page had a holiday smell: cocoa, apple pie, Christmas tree, candycane, and orange. We scratched and sniffed until it was practically gone!

Some other treasured moments: decorating the tree to Nat King Cole, Dad reading "The Polar Express" sandwiched between my sister and I on Christmas Eve, watching movies as a family, attending mass at the church we grew up in, waking up with my sister on Christmas morning, making cookies with my sister, playing in the rare Texas snow, Mom fixing breakfast in her nubby old robe...oh, so many good times.

As I have mentioned this is my first Christmas away from my family. I have plans this year that I am very excited about though. I know it was my choice and that it will not be the same, and I am admittedly saddened, but I have to remember there will be many more Christmases, God willing. After all, we are meant to keep our family and Christmas in our hearts every day, always, not just once a year. That way, we are never truly apart. So hopefully I'll be home for Christmas next year. Until then, I will patiently peel another orange.

I Really Did It

Where do I even begin?

I have been in New York exactly one week (well, only four and a half days actually living in the new apartment). Getting set up was pretty stressful and we about ran ourselves all over Queens. My parents were here to help me move in, thank God. Saying goodbye to them was so hard. The day I left Texas, I had bravely fought back emotions parting with my best friend and my dog, but I just couldn't anymore when my Mom and Dad had to leave. We squabble from time to time, but being with them makes me want to be a better person and make them proud.

We did get to spend our last night here together in Manhattan. Everyone has to brave the hoopla at Christmas time at least once in their lives and go see Rockefeller Center with hot cups of Dean & Deluca, and go to Macy's. It truly is magical. We even spied a couple mid-proposal. I waited and offered to take their picture! It even snowed a few flurries, too!

Since then, I have not ventured far past the nearest surrounding blocks only because I am attempting to memorize the neighborhood. Hahaha. For someone so directionally challenged, I sure do choose to live in very big cities. The good thing about New York is that, when all else fails, you can easily circle the block and go back the way you came! Tonight I am making my first attempt at a subway trip by myself. Keep your fingers crossed.

It has been very quiet thus far and I have felt a little cooped up, although I try to get out and walk around a while every day. I am not one who needs to have excitement all the time or go out every night to enjoy myself though. Though I feel isolated at the moment, I have some activities lined up for the month that I am excited about! I even bought myself a little bitty tree and hung a little strand of lights on it. This is the first Christmas away from home for me, but I will be okay I think.

I do not have a new job yet, though I did have one lead that may or may not work out. In the mean time, I am submitting resumes and applications, and trying to organize contacts. I will find something, I am sure.

Tomorrow however, I think I shall enjoy myself a little and make use of my Metro Card, perhaps re-visit the Met Museum!